So instead, I’ll summarize. Ready? Oreo crust. Mocha mousse filling. Chopped Heath bar garnish.
Can we get some applause here? Maybe a reward of some kind? Actually, eating the pie is its own reward.
This might be one of those days when I’m mainlining pie. See, I just read another Donald Trump quote. Before we get into it, let me just be clear: I’m not talking politics right now. I’m just talking about this one person and his views on women.
We all know that the word “feminist” is loaded, and that’s too bad. It has taken me many years to be confident enough to say, loud and clear, that I am a feminist. If we need to define that, my view is that men and women should be equal. That means that we should be given the same opportunities, be on the same pay scale, and be free from societal double standards. As in, I don’t think that it’s fair to call a man a “player” and a woman a “slut” (pardon my language) when they’re engaging in the exact same behavior.
Enter Donald Trump. He’s on record as referring to women as “bimbos,” “fat pigs,” and “dogs.” He’s been very clear that he subscribes to the ancient idea that women are less intelligent than men. Anyone who truly believes that should probably not be in charge of anything more serious than real estate.
If anyone had made similar comments about men, I’d be up in arms, too. I think all of us deserve fair treatment. Let’s not even get started on Trump’s comments about people who come to America from other countries. He’s sounding scarily racist, and people need to speak out and defend others. It’s not okay to victimize people on the basis of their race or gender. It’s 2015. Get with the program.
And it’s also not too professional for a presidential candidate to be using derogatory or foul language. But I’m picky about language, being an English teacher and all. I know that I never use certain words in the workplace. Maybe he shouldn’t, either.
I have a theory about politics, actually. Here it is: if we all stopped arguing and started eating pie, the world would be a much happier place. Or, you know, dysfunctional. But there would be pie.
This pie is partially no-bake, which is always a lot of fun. The crust is made of Oreos, and then I whip up heavy cream and combine it with melted chocolate and coffee to make a mocha mousse. It’s coffee chocolate heaven. And if you’ve never had Heath bars with coffee (any Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz Ben and Jerry’s eaters out there?), it’s the best flavor pairing ever.
Just be careful, because once you start eating this pie, you probably won’t stop. But that’s okay. It’s much healthier to eat this whole thing under a blanket in the closet than to listen to Donald Trump talk about women. Like he knows anything about us.
Ingredients
Instructions
- Preheat the oven to 350. Coat a 9-inch pie plate with cooking spray. Set aside.
- In a bowl, mixed the crushed Oreos and melted butter until the crumbs are moistened. Press the mixture into the pie plate, packing the crumbs into the bottom and up the sides.
- Bake for 15 minutes until set. Cool completely.
- Make the mousse. In a microwave-safe bowl, combine the instant coffee with the cold water and mix well. Add the chocolate chips. Heat at 30-second intervals, stirring each time, until everything is melted and smooth. Set aside.
- In the bowl of a stand mixer, whip the heavy cream until stiff peaks form. Do not overdo it!
- Gently fold the chocolate mixture into the heavy cream until a uniform color (no streaks!) appears.
- Spoon the mousse into the cooled pie crust, smoothing out the top evenly. Sprinkle the chopped Heath bars on top.
- Chill the pie for at least three hours, preferably overnight. Cut into wedges. Store in the refrigerator.
What eventually happens is that the front drawer in my freezer is full of goodies: M & Ms, chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, peanut butter chips. If it’s got chocolate, it’s in there! So every now and then I have to get rid of whatever is in there and then replenish gradually. It’s the circle of life.
Last night, I was staring into my freezer and I had a sudden hankering for blondies. Really thick, chewy blondies with lots of goodies mixed in. I grabbed the bags in my freezer, made up a batch of my favorite blondies, and threw all the candy in there.
It was kind of therapeutic, actually. What better way to spend an evening than freely tossing candy into batter and eating some along the way while dancing to guilty pleasure music? I can’t think of anything more fun. Especially when the blondies came out of the oven and I got to eat them!
They were all that was promised. Thick. Full of stuff. Sinfully irresistible, rivaling any bakery blondie I’ve ever had, and then some. Wow, that came out totally arrogant-sounding. Oh well. If I couldn’t bake, I wouldn’t be doing this whole blogging thing.
The lesson here, my friends, is to use up what you have from time to time. Chocolate does go bad, so it’s vital to bake with it before that happens. You can’t just let it languish for months in your cabinets. Then when you try it and it’s all chalky, you’ll just be lost in the sadness.
If you have different mix-ins at home, use those. I’ll list what I used in the recipe, but that’s just me. It’s important to realize that you can put your own mark on these blondies! Just make sure that the candy you put in is your favorite. Then everyone wins!
Ingredients
Instructions
- Preheat the oven to 350. Line an 8 x 8 pan with foil, leaving enough to overhang the sides, and coat in cooking spray.
- In a medium-sized bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
- Take a larger bowl and mix the brown sugar, melted butter, eggs and vanilla until just blended. Add the dry ingredients gradually and mix until incorporated. Fold in the candy.
- Spread the batter in the prepared pan.
- Bake for 30-35 minutes until the edges are browned. The middle might jiggle slightly, but it will harden as the bars cool. Do not overbake. Cut into squares with a sharp knife and store in an airtight container
The cookies and bars at beach town bake shops are so wonderfully homemade. No, I’m not counting Starbucks. These shops are owned independently, and you can taste the singularity of each baker’s products. It’s like they’ve baked their souls into their treats.
I’d like to believe that I do that, too. So these Heath Blondies represent the heart of what I love best in baking: caramelly, chewy amazingness. Because what else is there in life? Oh, except Reese’s.
Back to these bars. They’re super thick. I did that on purpose! There is nothing more depressing than a thin blondie. Who wants that? No, I’m not talking about people. I’m talking about dessert!
I used these awesome Heath drops as a mix-in. They are so good. Honestly, why didn’t Hershey think of this years ago?
And, of course, I used toffee bits, which have been around forever. Save a few of both the drops and the bits to sprinkle on top of the bars before baking. It’s so much prettier that way!
This recipe requires no mixer. You will be in total baker’s heaven. And the people you love will be able to taste your passion amid the chewy depths of these blondies. How’s that for an endorsement?
Ingredients:
- 1 and 1/2 cups light brown sugar, packed
- 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
- 2 eggs
- 1 teaspoons vanilla
- 1 and 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 bag Heath drops (they look like Heath M & Ms)
- 1 cup Heath toffee bits
Instructions:
Preheat the oven to 350. Line an 8 x 8 pan with foil, leaving enough to overhang the sides, and coat in cooking spray.
In a medium-sized bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
Take a larger bowl and mix the brown sugar, melted butter, eggs and vanilla until just blended. Add the dry ingredients gradually and mix until incorporated. Fold in most of the Heath drops and toffee bits.
Spread the batter in the prepared pan. Sprinkle the remaining bits and drops on top evenly.
Bake for 30-35 minutes until the edges are browned. The middle will jiggle slightly, but it will harden as the bars cool. Do not overbake. Cut into squares and store in an airtight container.
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