Time does speed up as we age. See, when we’re little, a month seems like forever because our lives have been pretty short. A six year-old will spend what seems like decades waiting for her birthday because, relatively speaking, a year is a huge percentage of her life. That’s not at all true for a thirty-six year old, for whom a year is a much smaller percentage of life. And by the time anyone reaches much older age, time whizzes by because the majority of years spent alive vs. any time increment is much larger.

Do I sound like a total nerd here? You caught me. I am a nerd about a lot of things, like Shakespeare, Star Trek, and getting older. Getting older scares me, and the faster time goes, the more my existential dread rears its ugly head. But since I’m also a baking nerd, I can use my prowess in the kitchen to provide some much-needed distraction from time’s unyielding march onward.

This might be the second peanut butter recipe I’ve posted this week, and do I care? Nope. I have a healthy, gluten-free carrot muffin arriving Friday to atone for my peanut butter sins. But for now, you’ll have to live with my addiction to all things peanut butter. This recipe actually came out of a sick day my son spent with me.

Kids get mysterious viruses, especially in the summer. For the past couple of days, my son has been home, languishing on the couch like a Victorian-era heroine. He has his blanket, his books, his pencils and pens, and a bottle of cool water by his side. He’s pretty much been ignoring them all, not to mention avoiding all food and television. When they don’t ask for TV, I know they’re sick.

To try and tempt him (and to gauge how sick he really was), I baked these bars. They’re a basic blondie filled with peanut butter chips and topped with a marshmallow fluff and peanut butter topping. If a kid avoids these sticky squares of goodness, you have further evidence that not all is right in his little world.

To top it all off, my son has been avoiding Alexa. A few weeks ago on Amazon Prime Day (which was, for me, kind of disappointing), Kenny bought us an Amazon Echo. She’s named Alexa, and she syncs up to our devices and apps (like Pandora or, of course, our Prime accounts) to play us music or update our shopping lists or buy something we’ve bought before. I’m officially scared of her. Especially after seeing the latest Terminator movie. #riseofthemachines #machineswillkillusall

The kids love Alexa. All three have been bugging her nonstop. She can’t respond to my girls because their little voices are too squeaky, but she understands my son. So he badgers her to tell him jokes, play him music, and asks her questions. They’re best buds. And he’s been ignoring Alexa for two days. Yep, sick.

The upshot of my baking experiment is that nobody has really eaten these bars except me. My daughters are currently pretending to hate peanut butter (a shaft to their mother’s heart), the boy is sick, and my husband eats only gluten-free whatnot. So here I am, contemplating my existence while I polish off yet another chewy, pillowy-soft marshmallow peanut butter chip blondie.

These bars were an experiment for a good cause, the whole see-if-he’s-really-that-sick thing. Turns out, he is. But I’m not, and I’m going to enjoy these as time passes faster and faster. In the face of scientific evidence that time actually does speed up as we age, what else is a girl to do?

I love my job dearly. I also love getting up later, wearing shorts and t-shirts every day, and tooling around the DC area sightseeing. I love being a tourist in my own city, and that’s what summer is about. Blazing, searing heat as I walk from Dupont Circle to Georgetown, stopping along the way for sips of frosty drinks. Or simpler pleasures are also nice. Scooping out ice cream for my kids as they play in the sprinkler, blowing bubbles. Drinking margaritas on the deck.

So don’t rush my season! July 4th isn’t close yet. Seize the day! Don’t let life speed by!

I’m done preaching. Now let’s turn the focus to these blondies, another perfect picnic staple. They have butterscotch. And caramel. And marshmallow fluff. They’re gooey and chewy and perfect. You’ll get sticky and you will not care at all.

These are layered bars, though it’s hard to tell from the pics. The caramel layer in the middle bakes into the top and bottom a bit, but still stays there to provide maximum texture amazingness. I can only describe the feeling of biting into these bars as pillowy. Like you’re biting into this soft yet ever-so-slightly resistant wonder of cooking science.

Have I mentioned that I can be pretty modest?

When it comes to blondies, I’m pretty much in love. And when you add the butterscotch and the caramel and the marshmallow, forget it. I will warn you that I did more than test these. I friggin’ ATE these.

The hardest thing about this recipe is determining when the whole kit n’ kaboodle is done. So you will need to use a toothpick, making sure you get moist crumbs, but nothing more. You might get nervous because the edges are cooking faster. If that happens and the middle isn’t done, edge some foil around the pan to block the edges from baking too far ahead of the rest. It’s a little trick I happen to love.

But whatever happens, prepare yourself for the sticky happiness. Because blondies should be sticky, especially in the summer. Especially at a picnic. Even if it’s not the fourth of July yet!

Ingredients:

• 3 cups light brown sugar, packed
• 1 cup unsalted butter, melted
• 4 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 package caramel bits (Kraft brand)
• 1 can sweetened condensed milk (I used fat-free)
• 1/2 cup butter, melted
• 1 cup butterscotch chips
• 1/2 cup marshmallow fluff

Instructions:

Peheat the oven to 350. Line a 9 x 13 pan with foil, leaving enough to overhang the sides, and coat in cooking spray.

In a medium-sized bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

Take a larger bowl and mix the brown sugar, melted butter, eggs and vanilla until just blended. Add the dry ingredients gradually and mix until incorporated. Fold in the butterscotch chips.

Spread half the batter in the prepared pan. Bake for 15 minutes until golden.

While that is baking, microwave the remaining 1/2 cup of butter with the caramel bits and condensed milk for two minutes, microwaving in thirty-second intervals after the initial time if the mixture is not melted. Stir after each heating to make a smooth mixture.

Pour the caramel over the baked blondie, and then drop the remaining blondie batter on top, spreading out gingerly. It doesn’t need to cover the whole surface. Using a spoon, drop the marshmallow fluff in intervals along the top and swirl with the batter and caramel gently.

Bake for 30-35 minutes until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out with moist crumbs. Cool and cut into small squares.

That was my Memorial Day weekend. We had big plans. They involved a splash park and train rides and playgrounds and ice cream and picnics. Three days of fun, all planned out! No problem, right?

Except that my son spent a majority of the weekend on the couch moaning in agony with a stomach virus which I will no doubt be getting shortly, since I kept cuddling him and giving him tummy rubs. It was sunny and 85 degrees out, not a cloud in sight. And we were huddled in the darkened living room, taking occasional breaks from the moaning to watch episodes of Curious George.

I think I’ll just move Memorial Day to next weekend.

At least I had these blondie s’mores to keep me company. While my husband took the girls out and about, I sat in the kitchen and ate these up, pretending I was at a Memorial Day picnic. It really helped! And I’ve even done a step-by-step photo tutorial for you today. That’s what happens when I have the whole day to be stuck inside the house!

The inspiration began with these s’mores bites from Trader Joe’s. Have I mentioned how much I love that place?

I took these little cuties and cut them into thirds, like this:

Do you see how they have a cross-section of graham cracker and marshmallow, all covered in milk chocolate? Mmm. These are seriously one of my TJ favorites.

Then I made the batter. I love this recipe, mainly because it doesn’t  require a mixer. You just melt the butter in the microwave and mix everything in!

Once the batter is made, it’s time to party. I took about half of the batter, spread it in the pan, and lined up my s’mores candies just so. Can you see how caramelly the batter is? It’s so exciting!

After that was done, I took the other half of the batter and dropped it on top, spreading it out carefully.  There wasn’t quite enough to cover the surface area, but no problem! I just took some dollops of marshmallow fluff and swirled that in with the batter.

Then I chopped up the remaining s’mores chocolates, sprinkled on some graham cracker crumbs, and this baby was ready to go into the oven!

And when it came out, it looked like this:

Be sure not to overbake these bars! I like things a wee bit on the underbaked side, honestly, but if that’s not your thing, aim to get moist crumbs when you test the bars to see if they’re all done.

It was so hard to wait to cut this up. So I kind of didn’t wait long enough. It’s my biggest failing, really. But what else could I do?

And in the end, I wound up with ooey, gooey, chewy blondies. The marshmallow was all stretchy across the top, just like marshmallow should be. No campfire, but I’m cool with that. Fire is scary!

I do wish my son hadn’t gotten sick, of course. Kids always wait for holiday weekends to get sick. That way, you can’t go to the doctor. You have to head for the ER eventually, where all of humanity is lined up in the waiting room. Such is life.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a happy holiday weekend, free from emergency room visits and writhing in pain. Enjoy these s’mores! They make everything better, I promise!

Ingredients:

• 1 and 1/2 cups light brown sugar, packed
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 and 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 container Trader Joe’s s’mores chocolates (pictured above)
• marshmallow fluff (a few spoonfuls, to taste)
• graham cracker crumbs (just enough to sprinkle over the top)

Instructions:

Peheat the oven to 350. Line an 8 x 8 pan with foil, leaving enough to overhang the sides, and coat in cooking spray.

In a medium-sized bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

Take a larger bowl and mix the brown sugar, melted butter, eggs and vanilla until just blended. Add the dry ingredients gradually and mix until incorporated.

Chop the s’mores chocolates into thirds, as shown above. Pour half of the blondie batter into the pan, being sure to spread it to hit the edges. Line the chocolates (see the picture) up evenly in the batter. Cover with the remaining batter and dollops of marshmallow fluff, swirling the batter and the fluff. Sprinkle with remaining chopped s’mores chocolates and graham cracker crumbs.

Bake uncovered for 30-35 minutes until set. Test the middle with a toothpick or knife to ensure moist crumbs come out. Do not overbake.

Cool and cut into squares. Store in an airtight container.