Seriously, it’s been a weird week. When I stepped back from the blog, I found out something interesting. A few things, actually. I’ll share them momentarily.
I’ll also share this chocolate chip streusel banana bread, which is heaven. How can it not be? It’s the most perfect banana bread, all filled and topped with chocolate chips and the most delightful, crumbly streusel.
Back when JAB began, I had just come away from a traumatic life event. I’ve talked about it before, and so I’ll just quickly summarize. My youngest daughter had a dangerous birth with an abrupted placenta, and both she and I went into distress. I remember looking at the ceiling as everything went blurry, struggling to breathe, watching Kenny tending to the baby and thinking, “I’m going to die alone.” It was not a moment I’d like to repeat, though someday I will, of course.
Afterward, I blamed myself. She’d been breech, and I’d been doing a lot of alternative methods to try and turn her, like acupuncture and chiropractic maneuvers. All of these were doctor-approved, and when I asked the doctor afterward if it could have caused the trauma, he insisted that it was just bad luck and nothing more. But somebody close to the family suggested to me that it had been my fault, and no matter how vehemently I denied it to her, I was angry and forlorn.
Thus began a year of not being that nice to myself. I was probably suffering some form of postpartum depression as well, and I set about holding myself accountable for both things that were in and out of my control. I sought perfection, and it wasn’t sustainable. I began to heal.
JAB was part of my healing process. I gave myself permission to be fun for a while and to try new things. I took up the guitar, started this blog, and began trying things I’d never tried before. I wanted to see what I could do, however imperfectly. It was humbling. I stink at the guitar, but I love it. The blog has been just fine, but not anything super special. And I’m not perfect, but boy, I’d like to think that I’m special.
Along the road, I met lots of blog friends who supported me. Alice and Dorothy, who continued to help me whenever I needed it despite the fact that they are big news and I am not. So many big-time bloggers never give anyone the time of day, but they did. I will always consider them friends. Cheyanne and Annie and Kate, who felt like friends in the struggle, and who are all magnificent. Gayle, who has achieved so much so quickly. Lisa, whose sense of humor I relate to like crazy. And endless more people I spent parts of my virtual week with. I’ll still visit their blogs, but I’ll miss the interaction.
What I discovered on my week off is that I am still as busy as I was before, but I have the space now to give everybody and everything a little more time. My children now have more of my undivided attention on weekends, and that’s priceless. Plus, for the first time in years, I picked up a spiritual text and started reading it. I’ve been avoiding religious texts since the incident years ago, not sure of how to tackle some of my biggest spiritual questions. Now I want to face my fears and get on with living.
As I said last week, I’m taking a break. I don’t know how permanent this is, or if I’ll miss JAB so much that I’ll be back within a few weeks. No idea. But I have to give myself this time, and we’ll go from there. Hope your autumn goes beautifully, and I’ll miss you for now!
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I mean, it’s too sudden. We’re at 90 one day and then 60 the next. I cannot. Has Mother Nature ever heard of transitions? And by the way, could she just stop with the hurricanes already?
Since I don’t want to spend today talking about the weather, I’ll talk about something far more relevant instead. My blog’s been around for going on three years now, but I’ve never made black bottom cupcakes. Once this occurred to me (in the middle of the night, mind you, and it woke me up), I had to correct that immediately. I also had to make them gluten-free, just to make up for the oversight of never putting a chocolate cupcake stuffed with chocolate chip cheesecake filling onto this site.
A few weeks ago, you may remember that I fell over and injured my foot. Well, it’s all better now, but it’s been a pain-ridden time. Either I was walking funny or I hit something on the way down, because my back has been spasming nonstop. A few days ago, the relief began to seep in, but there’s still some pain.
The combination of all this plus the stress of the Jewish holiday season (it lasts a month) has made me very neglectful of anything but family or work. In other words, I’ve been ignoring the blog world and social media, and I’m sorry about that. But as my blog friends have taught me, there’s only so much anyone can handle before the nervous breakdown begins. Mine is scheduled for November, by the way. I have to hold it together until then. Winky face.
Seriously, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the concept of “good enough.” That’s a really tough standard for me to find acceptable in myself. In other people, it’s usually fine. But for me, I want to be the best. I’m not sure where this overdeveloped sense of competition came in, but I’m pretty sure it was born out of insecurity earlier in life. As an adult, I’ve been set on standing out and setting a standard of excellence.
I’m still driven that way, but I’ve pulled back from that on JAB. I will never be the best baking blogger, or even in the top several hundred. That’s okay. This site began as both an experiment and a hobby, and I’m okay keeping it there.
While I might not be on the Internet much, my desserts are as lovely as ever, I assure you. You’ll never know that these cupcakes are GF, and they’re also not that much of a nutritional wasteland.
The cake base of these cupcakes is positively virtuous: a chocolate cake that is vegan with no butter or eggs. The cheesecake filling is made with lowfat cream cheese and only about 1/3 cup of sugar, which means it’s not too sweet. You can eat a couple of these and not feel bad about it at all!
I’ve been in a tough place for the past couple of months, but I have hope that things will slow down and that I’ll stop waking up in the middle of the night thinking about black bottom cupcakes. Until that happens, I’ll just have to keep baking. Enjoy the fruits of my sleepless labor, friends!
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Like, getting a box of chocolates or flowers without an occasion? That sounds like it would be nice. Note to Kenny: do that more. Hear me, love of my life?
Another pleasant surprise? Finding a layer of pumpkin cheesecake in the middle of a delicious loaf of pumpkin chocolate chip bread. It’s double the fun!
Now that TV has started up again, I’m overwhelmed by the obligation I have to continue watching many shows. Yes, it’s a chore. A fun one, but a chore nonetheless.
Last season, we watched Superstore. It’s a silly piece of sitcom fluff, and I like silly in my life. Being serious is so overrated. But now I have to find time to add that to the list. See, I’m still trying to finish Casual on Hulu, Suits on Amazon Prime, and then I have to pick up Once Upon a Time again, even though the storyline has gotten totally weird.
The problem is, Kenny and I watch these together, so both of us have to be available (and awake) to make it through. It’s not that logistically easy. He plays ball sometimes, and I have the habit of passing out at 8:30 every night. It’s not auspicious for good TV watching.
Also, Kenny has a very short attention span with TV shows. He forgets them or loses interest quickly, and then we tend to not finish things. like seasons 6 and 7 of Mad Men, which has fallen by the wayside, or seasons 3 and 4 of Orange is the New Black. Gone.
But hey, I shouldn’t complain. We have so many good options. Do you remember when you were at the mercy of the TV schedule? Those grueling days are gone!
You know what else is gone? Plain old pumpkin bread. Not that I’m hating, because I’m not. But this is sooooo much better.
In the middle of these moist and gluten-free layers is pumpkin cheesecake. It’s lovely. The creamy pumpkin middle layer does full justice to the cakey outer layer. Woohoo!
Hope you have a lovely fall TV season, and that you get caught up on all your shows. It’s hard work! Better have some pumpkin chocolate chip cheesecake bread around to make it easier!
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I do that a lot in the fall. My baking this time of year contains a lot of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves. If I take something out of the oven right before I head up to bed, I can actually drift off for the night with all those autumn spices whirling around my senses. I highly recommend you try it.
Even though it’s soaring back up to the 90s this week here in the sunny DC area, I’ve been baking for crunchy leaves and cooler breezes since Labor Day ended. This cake is no exception, and it’s magnificent. The base is pumpkin goodness, filled with all those lovely spices and chocolate chips. Did I mention that the whole cake is smothered in a rich chocolate glaze?
Last week was full of mishaps. As in, just a terrible week. On Wednesday I was at work when I learned that one of my teachers had fallen, so I rushed down the hall to check on her. On my way, I slipped in a stealth water spill and fell down too. Irony? The teacher was fine, but I couldn’t walk so well. I had to get to the urgent care clinic because my doctor wouldn’t see me without some kind of crazy workman’s comp claim number that I could’ve easily given him later (can I rant about healthcare sometime soon?) for an x-ray. Luckily, nothing was broken, but I’m very swollen and bruised.
To compound that (yes, I’m complaining), I had a 22-mile commute the next day to a training class. I don’t like commuting. More complaining.
That evening was Back to School Night, which means I had to be on my A-game to meet with parents. I put a pair of sneakers on over my bandaged foot (not my typical Back to School Night uniform of cute dress and heels) and went to work from my training class. When I opened my mouth, I realized that the fun continued. My voice was going.
See, I’ve had a cold for about a week, but it’s just been hovering. Do you ever have a hovering cold? It’s kind of polite in nature. It doesn’t intrude too much into your life except in the early morning or late at night, but then it really intrudes. No warning, and BAM! Suddenly, you’re going mute in front of parents.
By the next day, I had to face down my students with no voice at all. I spent the day croaking and rasping at them and feeling completely done in. Thank heaven the next day was Saturday. It was time to sit down and shut up. I was never gladder to do both.
One day into the weekend, and things are looking up. My foot is very bruised and still somewhat swollen, but it’s getting better. My voice is a light rasp now as opposed to completely silent, so yay. And I can bake even without a foot or a voice, so that’s the best news of all.
This cake is lovely. I don’t usually pair butter with pumpkin, but special occasions call for a fancier cake. What occasion, you might ask? Feeling better, y’all!
Because pumpkin and chocolate chip is the best combo ever, I had to put them into a decadent bundt with the best chocolate glaze in existence. This is my favorite glaze recipe bar none. It’s super easy, and it’s thicker than most glazes. It’s impossible not to love!
Last week was full of mishaps, but this week will be better and full of cake. It’s not how many times we fall, but how many times we determinedly get back up again. That’s what really matters!
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If that sounds pretentious or immodest, please understand that I have a ton of baking fails as well, so whenever things go my way, I get super excited. This is one of those times.
This cake is autumn in a pan. When you bake it, your house will smell ah-may-zing. If we’re getting technical, this cake is the combined glory of cocoa, banana, pumpkin, and chocolate chips along with lovely fall spices like cinnamon and cloves. You’ve gotta bake it to believe it!
Before I get back to cake, I’m going to abruptly shift topic and talk about life 15 years ago.
As you all know, the 15th anniversary of 9/11 occurred two days ago. It occurred to me that I’ve never written down my own version of that day. You see, everyone has their own story about that day, just like people who were around the day that Kennedy got shot have stories. My story isn’t that interesting, but it’s mine. I wanted to write it down somewhere.
My original plan on September 11th, 2001 was to go to work and then move. As in, move into my first single-girl apartment ever in Washington, D.C. I’d never lived alone, and I had just started my job. Everything was new, exciting, and scary.
I remember being preoccupied by many mundane details. My futon was being delivered later that day, and I was hoping I’d make it back from my suburban high school to the new city pad in time to receive it. On the job end, I’d just started teaching high school seniors, and they were a tough crew. I was worried about it, and that’s kind of where I was mentally that day.
A lot of people remember a beautiful early September day. I don’t. I honestly was too much in my own head that day to notice anything. Well, until.
My problematic senior class had just ended when a student came back into the classroom and told me to turn on the TV. I had a typical teacher reaction; in other words, I said no. But he said, “You don’t understand. Please, this is important. Something is happening on the news.”
Something in his eyes made me reach for the remote and turn on the TV. The rest you know, because we experienced it together as a nation. Watching the first plane, then the second, followed by anger and confusion and worry. Hearing conflicting reports about which planes were touching down where. The Pentagon, the field in Pennsylvania. It all came together slowly and in a nightmarish, jumbled way.
Obviously, I didn’t move to D.C. that day. I moved on September 13th, where I looked around the undecorated walls of my tiny apartment and felt alone and afraid. New city, new job, new world. It was probably the most off-kilter I’d ever been at that point in my life, and the emotions alone had me in alt for quite a while.
That’s pretty much it. Not an exciting or distinctive story, but mine. I wanted to tell it sometime, and now I have.
Moving on to cake now seems absolutely uncalled for, but that’s the nature of life. It’s hard to know when to move from the serious to the frivolous, and it’s important to find balance in that spectrum.
This time of year, I find it comforting to bake with some of my favorite autumn spices: cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg. Another wonderful option is pumpkin pie spice. I don’t use that in this cake, but it’s also a great choice.
This healthier cake is butter-free. It also has hefty doses of both pumpkin and banana for extra moisture, so it’s a truly delightful experience. The chocolate chips don’t hurt, either!
Every September, I remember days gone by and look forward to the future. We all have memories and stories that make up who we are. Some of them are painful, while others are full of happy nostalgia. I hope that our more difficult times can help us appreciate all the good things in life that we’re lucky enough to experience.
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These are pretty outside the norm. Their consistency is similar to a fudgy brownie, but the taste is pure autumn. Sure, I threw in some chocolate chips, but who could resist that?
In order to inaugurate the coming cooling temps, here we go with pumpkin chocolate chip bars. Let’s grab some spiced cider and run with it!
Having Monday off was such a great treat. We went to the D.C. arboretum, which is this amazingly beautiful place. There are great views, lots of bonsai trees, and most awe-inspiring, the columns of the original Capitol Building. They’re pretty cool.
We decided to take the kids with their scooters. Scooters are kind of amazing if kids can do them right, which my oldest is getting good at. His control is really improving, which is awesome, because the last time he wiped out on his scooter, he screamed for hours. Hours. And he kept insisting that we take him to a hospital. It was not a happy day.
Now he’s fine, and the girls are learning. My middle kid can do it for a while, but not long. The youngest will literally step onto her scooter for about point five seconds before she steps right off and demands to go “uppy.” How we love carrying both a scooter and a four year-old at the same time. If that’s not a recipe for back trouble, I don’t know what is.
Still, it was a beautiful day, and people kept watching the kids on their scooters and smiling at us. It sure beat a day of endless toil, which makes that whole Labor Day holiday name ironic every year.
When we got home from the arboretum, I was tired, thirsty and hungry from all that scooter and kid carrying. Luckily, these bars were on hand to keep me happy.
If we’re talking easy recipes to get your fall rolling, here we are! These can be made in one bowl. Just be sure to cool your melted butter, or you’ll wind up scrambling your egg and that translates to starting all over. Nobody likes that.
This time of year, I like to have pumpkin pie spice on my shelf at all times. It’s such a versatile spice mix, and it always produces those great fall flavors. It also saves you the trouble of combining the spices on your own. Magic in a little bottle!
If you’re ready for fall, here comes the first of many pumpkin recipes. Start your engines!
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Do you know what time it is? That’s right, kiddos. It’s back to school time!
As a teacher, I approach this time of year with a mingling of regret and excitement. I’m looking forward to a fresh new year, and I’m also looking forward to having my kids out of the house doing productive work. But you know, I do love the summer sunshine. And the flexible hours. So yeah…I’m torn.
With everything getting very busy (very fast, might I add), I need to be ready with great after-school snacks. When all of us get home from school, some refueling is definitely in order. These banana chocolate chip muffins are a perfect way to unwind and get ready for homework time, especially when I pair them with NESTLÉ® NESQUIK® Powder. The kids are pretty happy to settle in with their muffins and Nesquik, and I do it right along with them!
This year, I’m more anxious than usual to meet my kids with an energetic frame of mind when they come home from school. My son (who is also my oldest) has always come home and done his homework without much struggle, and I realize that makes me lucky. He gets home around four, has his snack, and then takes a break for about fifteen minutes before taking out his books and getting to work. He’s in the third grade, by the way. And yes, he has a lot of homework.
My middle child is going to be starting with homework this year in first grade, and that’s why I’m a little nervous. She’s a very smart little girl, but she’s also an artist. Her favorite thing to do is come home and draw for hours. My temperament is similar, so I know how hard homework was for me growing up. I want to make sure that I’m there to support her, but it’s hard to be patient and fully with it after a day of teaching. That’s where snack time comes in!
For my kids and me, that snack time after school is where we come together and check in on one another. I can gauge moods, figure out if anything traumatic or good happened to the kids, and just take a few minutes to breathe before we all get back to work in that pre-dinner time. It’s important that we connect, and it’s also important that we have some nutrients while we’re at it.
While we were at the beach last week for a final summer hurrah, I looked at the tired bananas on the counter at our rented beach house (yes, tired bananas follow me around) and knew that I wanted to start snacks off right this year. As soon as we got home (tired bananas in tow), I ran out to Target to get some Nesquik so we’d have a great pairing with these banana chocolate chips muffins. Then, I started baking. These muffins freeze like a charm, and I wanted to be ready for the first week of school!
My kids were pretty excited when they saw the muffins, but they were even happier when they saw the Nesquik. Nobody can resist a bunny, after all! And I love the fact that Nesquik is low in sugar, has no artificial colors or flavors, and is full of both vitamins and minerals as well as protein (when combined with milk). Translation: the kids (and I) stay full until dinnertime, and we also have the energy to tackle all that homework!
If you’d like to be ready for the oncoming onslaught of school and the nutritional needs that arise, be ready! You can pick up Nesquik right now with this Cartwheel Offer at Target (for Nesquik Powder and ready-to-drink bottles, valid 8/21/2016-8/27/2016 with 15% off 18.7oz powder and 10 packs of bottles), and the muffins almost make themselves. If you don’t have a gluten-free diet, subbing in regular flour will also work. They’ll be great either way!
How do you get ready for back to school? It’s an exciting time, but a busy one. Be prepared!
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I really wanted to post a timely s’mores recipe, but Kenny and I were away. And not only were we away, but we were also at a hotel hosting the Girl Scouts for National S’more Day. Talk about hitting pay dirt! There were s’more kits and fire pits everywhere.
Now that I’m back, I wanted to pay my respects to what is truly a marvelous holiday. Sorry if I’m a few days late! But these s’mores cookie cups should be worth it. They’re chocolate chip cookies filled and topped with everything you need in a s’more: the chocolate and marshmallow love. I’m excited to have these in the house!
The other day, I had a good belly laugh, and I really needed it. I’m sure you understand. They can be hard to come by, those hearty belly laughs, but they’re the best.
Kenny has this habit of sneezing his way through the first few hours of the morning. Some mornings are more extreme than others, and so I often don’t even notice. When I do, I usually just make sure he doesn’t have a cold before I give him a kiss.
Anyway, the kids and I were sitting at the kitchen table having a peaceful breakfast when Kenny sneezed. He was walking around gathering laundry, and he sneezed again. And again. And again. The poor guy was just on a roll.
For some reason, the kids and I found this to be massively hilarious. I can’t really explain why, but the symphonic sneezing had us in stitches. We laughed until our sides hurt. Well, except for Kenny. He was waiting for one of us to say, “Bless you.” Which we did eventually.
It just felt good to laugh, especially with my children. I have to be the disciplinarian so often, which means that I don’t always have the ability to just burst into laughter. I should do it more often, though, because it’s a quick and easy way to get some therapy.
Do you know what else is quick and easy? Yep, these s’more cookie cups!
I used refrigerated cookie dough. It was the gluten-free kind, too. Immaculate Baking makes the best GF cookie dough! The inside is filled with a large piece of Hershey’s chocolate and half a marshmallow, and then the whole thing is topped with the other marshmallow half. Inside the oven, the marshmallow inside melts, but that just makes for more gooey goodness. And that flavor remains!
There’s plenty of time in life to be serious. Sometimes it’s better to let your guard down and be silly. Having an easy treat along the way doesn’t hurt, either. After all, it’s much cheaper than a therapist’s office!
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When it comes to my birthday, I still feel like a little kid. I want presents, parties, and many celebrations. Sometimes that means I’m setting myself up. Let’s face it: I’m a mom of three and nobody has thrown me a party since I was 25. That was a loooooong time ago. But still, I hold out hope!
One thing I’ve learned to do is bake my own birthday treat. A few years ago, I baked this cookie cake for the first time. It was my favorite cookie cake ever, but my photo skills weren’t so great back then. Plus, I wanted to see if I could make the whole thing GF and a little easier. Done and done!
Now that I’m off the hook for jury duty (I didn’t get selected, but I did make it into a courtroom, so that’s always fun), I’m full steam ahead on getting ready for the school year ahead. That means a lot of organizing, cleaning, and decision-making.
When I changed schools earlier this summer, I left a very beautiful school building behind in exchange for one with a lot more history and age. My new work home is a lot older, but it’s kept up nicely and I’ve been feeling at home here.
The thing is, I’ve been getting this reaction from some people about my change of venue that is less than desired. People tend to set a lot of store by new and sparkly things. Hey, how can I blame them? New is usually very nice. But no matter how nice a space is, a school especially, the end result is what everyone makes of it.
Students make schools come alive, not awe-inspiring entryways or corporate-looking office spaces. This is a school, and it looks like one. Personally, I find that comforting.
Okay, end rant. Can I talk about this cookie cake now?
It’s chewy in the center and crispy at the edges, just like my favorite cookies are. There’s a layer of hot fudge that glues the peanut butter cups (both chopped up snack-sized and miniatures) to the top. And there are more chopped PB cups in the actual cookie.
Hey, it’s about to be my birthday. I want to do it up, and that means lots of peanut butter lover’s cookie cake for me. And if anyone wants to throw me a crazy wild party, just name the time and the venue. I’ll be there!
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Well, unless you’re mashing up two things that are great separately and gross together, like steak and whipped cream. No, thank you. But when the mash-up combines the best of both worlds, mama is happy.
What could be better than a raspberry crumb bar, you wonder? How about a raspberry crumb bar with cheesecake filling? Do I have your attention now?
The school year starts in two weeks and I’m in overdrive, but I have to pause and fulfill my civic duty. Yep, that’s right. Jury duty calls!
This is the fourth time I’ve ever been on jury duty, and the second time in two years. Lest you think I am a star juror, banish that thought from your mind. That’s not it. I must have some kind of force that emits rays to jury selection people. Otherwise, my popularity makes no sense.
Years ago, I was called to a six-week jury trial at the beginning of summer. They took four days to make a selection, and the whole time I was really worried that I would lose my entire summer vacation to our justice system. Thanks to the powers above, I wasn’t selected and my summer remained intact. But close call!
Kenny was also called to jury duty a few weeks ago, and he was so excited. Unlike me, he’s never served before, so it was a novelty for him. He went very happily and waited to be called, and…nope. They dismissed him around noon. But he can feel good that he’s off the hook for another few years. Maybe.
Whenever I have jury duty, snacks are important. They keep me cheerful during the monotonous hours of waiting for something to happen. The thing is, though, the snacks have to be easily packed. That’s where these bars come into play!
The bottom and top are made of the same crumbly oat mix (gluten-free, of course). I like to double up on the raspberry jam by first spreading some over the bottom layer, pouring in the cheesecake filling, and then dolloping some more on top, swirling it with a knife. And on top? Those miraculous crumbs!
I might have to do my civic duty for the umpteenth time in my relatively young life, but I’ll do it happily as long as I’m kept fortified. These raspberry cheesecake crumb bars should do the trick!
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