With Memorial Day coming, everyone’s making barbecue and picnic plans. Well, everyone except me. I tend to forget all about it until the last second or just shrug it off, figuring that if worse comes to worst, I’ll just throw some meat on a fire and be done with it.

But for you lovely people who plan ahead, think about this delightful no-bake dessert for your get-together time. These bars are made of egg-free Oreo cookie dough and topped with thick white chocolate fudge.

This time of year, I really need the extra sugar hit. Our students are in standardized testing for weeks on end, and the resultant disrupted scheduling can be challenging when you’re in the same classroom with the same kids for several hours on end. I get so hungry, too. And I need to use the bathroom.

One of the golden perks of summer is that I can use the bathroom whenever I need to. 10 months out of the year, I hold it in. After all, a teacher can’t leave her students unattended. But for those two months, the bathroom is actually a possibility. Sometimes I go there just because I can, not because I need to.

TMI? Yeah, well, try being a teacher. We’re not allowed to pee. We’re also not allowed to be considered experts in our own field. They hire people to make policies that make very little sense instead, people who have never taught a day in their lives. Good system, y’all.

Here’s an analogy for you: how about if we send a bunch of people who have eaten food into all of the restaurants in America so they can make policy decisions about how those restaurants should be run? I’m predicting a lot of grease fires, some small floods, and some very sub-par pastries.

The moral of the story: just because you’ve gone to school? Yeah, means nothing. You have no idea how a school runs or, even better, how it should. That might sound harsh, but the truth hurts.

I’ll soften the blow a little bit with these Oreo fudge cookie dough bars. The bottom layer is a thick cookie dough filled with cookies and cream flair, and a simple stovetop fudge (no candy thermometer needed!) rounds out the perfect topping.

I can’t teach everyone how to fix the education system, but I can give them nice treats to make things seem better. That’s not a bad way to start a week!

Wham, bam, thank you…egg-free peanut butter cookie dough. Filled with peanut butter and butterscotch chips. Covered in chocolate with peanut butter drizzle. Because boy, do you make life that much better.

To be honest, I need a little more chocolate therapy than usual this week. My body is sore thanks to a tubing incident, and I need to dull the pain, doctor.

This past Friday, Kenny and I decided to go on a summer adventure together. Sometimes when our kids are at camp, we have daytime dates. In the D.C. area, there’s so much to do. This time, we decided to drive out to a creek near Antietam (yep, the Civil War battle site) and go tubing. As a Civil War nerd and a lover of the water, I thought it would be the perfect day trip.

A local magazine had described this particular journey as relaxing. The article painted the picture of a lazy day on the creek, with an extra tube for your cooler. According to everything I read, you could float on down slowly, beaching the tube when you felt like it and eventually winding up at your destination. That’s what I thought we were in for.

When we got to the rental place, Kenny and I were given our tubes. The only thing we were told to do was avoid the trees. Sounds easy, right? Maybe, if you have a paddle and some control over your mode of transport. For the first time, the expression “up a creek without a paddle” made complete sense to me. Especially when I wound up tubing (and screaming) my way through a downed tree, emerging several scratches later with my hat gone.

But the real kicker was when Kenny’s tube flipped over in the rapids. We had been told there were light rapids, and I guess everyone’s definition of “light” differs. In any case, these rapids were strong enough to dump Kenny, his shoes, and his phone right into the water. His tube started to float away and I, still on my tube, began to face the reality that unless I did something, I’d be one husband down for the rest of the day. Without shoes, Kenny had no way to walk on the rocks at the bottom of the creek without being in a lot of pain and without moving very slowly.

So I bailed out of my tube, dragged it over to his rapidly disappearing tube, and used a makeshift oar (a giant stick I named “Oarie”) to struggle my way back toward Kenny. The most fun part was lifting both tubes and Oarie over my head while going the wrong way against the rapids to get to him. I’m guessing that’s why my entire left side flew into spasm, and why now, two days later, I’m in a ton of pain. But no fear. I’ve got my massage therapist on speed dial and a plate full of these butterscotch peanut butter cookie dough truffles.

These come together in a snap, and the best thing about the recipe is that it only makes about eight truffles. That means you don’t have to worry about going too crazy with eating a lot. If you’d like, double it, or triple it. But if you do that, use a mixer. In a small batch, a small bowl is needed, no mixer. Your decision!

The combo of butterscotch chips with the peanut butter chips and PB cookie dough is what you find if you look under the word “addictive” in the dictionary. You can leave these plain, or do what I did and dip them in melting chocolate. For flair, I melted some peanut butter chips and piped lines across the top.

Guys, I’m happy to be alive, even if I’m in pain. I’m also thrilled to brag to Kenny now that I saved him, even though he would’ve maybe made it down the river 10 hours later. So all’s well that ends well, especially if there are truffles!

When I was a kid, my dad would pick us up after school and on simpler days, we’d go straight home. But sometimes there were errands to run, so we had to go out and about. While I hated errands, it usually meant I got to pick out an after school candy bar. For years, that candy bar was Baby Ruth. Those chocolate-covered peanut and caramel bars have a great deal of nostalgia for me.

Which kind of got me to thinking. I rarely bake with Baby Ruth bars, and that’s a crying shame. So today, I’ve remedied that neglect. They’re getting their very own brookie!

For those of you who are way behind the trend, a brookie is a fantastic mashup of a brownie and a cookie. It’s one of my favorite combinations, right up there with pake (pie and cake, a combo I fell in love with thanks to the show Drop Dead Diva) and pookies, a pie and cookie combo. Mashups don’t just belong in music, after all. They hold up even better in dessert. If you want to learn more about them, read my friend Dorothy’s amazing cookbook. She has some rocking recipe mashups!

Mashups also extend to other areas of life. Like the spork. You know the spork, right? That miraculous blend of spoon and fork? Why in the name of all that’s holy don’t cutlery sets (the real ones, not the plastic) come with sporks? They’re the only answer to the question, “What is the best way to eat an ice cream cake?” Duh! Spork!

Another mashup I love is the skort. I know that sounds incredibly dorky, but hear me out. As the mother of daughters, it’s so great to have them wear something that looks like a skirt, but has shorts underneath for when they inevitably do a downward-facing dog pose in front of a crowd. See, little girls love to show off their fancy underpants. The skort stops that from happening.

In fact, the skort is so awesome that I found a couple of really chic ones (no, I’m not kidding) on sale at Athleta. They look like miniskirts, but really, they’re miniskorts. I look cute, and I don’t have to worry that someone is looking up my skirt when I’m not sitting with my knees clamped together.

So if you haven’t gotten it by now, I love mashups. And these Baby Ruth brookies are no exception. The bottom layer is a brownie made with real chocolate. That happened because I ran low on cocoa, so I made it up as I went along. It worked! Brownies are forgiving, and now you have the recipe below. The top layer is a cookie dough, and it’s run through with chopped fun-sized Baby Ruth bars. If ever there were an appropriate name for smaller candy bars, it’s “fun-sized.” What marketing genius came up with that?

If you haven’t spent much time thinking about the joy of mashups, you’d better start now. Begin with a neglected candy bar from youth and then branch out to cutlery and clothing. It’s the perfect way to reject having to compromise. Get something exactly the way you want it!

But later. Because now, I’m doing yet another tricked-out version.

See, while the basics are fun, tricking anything out is exciting. Like my bathtub. A few years back, I decided that the only room left in the house where I could potentially get any privacy was the bathroom. It has a lock and all. Very fancy.

So we had the existing tub ripped out and it was replaced by a jet tub with lots of bells and whistles. As it turns out, life with a jet tub is better than life without. Was redoing the bathroom in amazing red glass tile necessary? Nope. But I’m very happy. Red is great, both in tile and in food. That’s why raspberry jam rocks.

How’s that for a transition? See, these tricked-out brownies start with a fudgy base, but then a layer of raspberry jam goes on top, followed by a layer of oatmeal cookie dough. They all go so well together.

I made these brownies for my mom. My mother hosts a lot of meals for company (see, her small child days are over, thus the time to host), but she doesn’t enjoy baking dessert. So, I baked it for her. And she likes healthy stuff, so I put the oatmeal on there to pretend that it was. Hint: it’s not.

From what I gather, people ate them. And then ate some more. So, mission accomplished. You know that chocolate and raspberry are a great combo, but add the oatmeal and there’s some nutty sweetness that blends in just fine.

Let’s face it: fancy, tricked-out brownies are a lot of fun. I might get back to basics soon, but for now, I’m just having a good time cranking out more ideas!

Earlier today, my son threw away a broken paper fan. As he was getting rid of it, he eyed the plastic casing for the fan and said, “Maybe I should keep this. It might be useful.” I, the anti-hoarder, made it pretty clear that a broken fan plastic casing would never, in any way, be remotely useful.

Now, if I were to hoard anything in this world, it would be baked goods and chocolate. Earlier, I pulled a chocolate-dipped peanut butter Oreo out of the freezer and munched on it. It had been triple-wrapped and frozen since December. But you know, that stuff never gets hoarded for long. Somehow, even with things frozen away, I can’t forget about them.

Now that it’s Girl Scout cookie season, you can be pretty dang sure that I’m storing several boxes of GS cookies in the freezer as well. I’m one of those people who pulls out a sleeve of Thin Mints several months after prime GS cookie selling season and serves them to grateful house guests. If a Thin Mint tastes good in Feburary, its cool appeal is even more seductive in the heat of summer.

Now, I’m a Tagalong girl, and that ain’t no lie. But these right here are for you Thin Mint lovers out there. It’s a little bit of an extreme approach, but you know I’m all about decadence.

So what’s going on here? Simple. Chocolate cookie dough (egg-free, of course!) sandwiched between two Thin Mints and dipped into white chocolate. Yep. I did that. Feel free to let the binge session commence.

These are actually super simple to make, and you can either do fun drizzliness with the white chocolate or you can dunk the sandwich in whole. Or both, in my case. And if you have leftover cookie dough, make truffles!

These traveled with me to a housewarming party for some dear friends of mine, and boy, is their new house clutter-free. Seriously not one bit of mess in sight. So I added to it slightly with these bits of Girl Scout madness, and while they could hoard them, my guess is that everyone at the party ate them already. Moral of the story: don’t hoard, unless it’s chocolate. You can make Girl Scout season go a long way!

And I feel almost the same, but not quite, about salty sweet treats.  When salted caramel burst onto the food scene a few years back, I couldn’t get enough. I still can’t, but my brain has adjusted a little more. Back in those days, it was hard to find salted caramel anything. Now you can’t turn around without it smacking you in the face with its coy deliciousness.

Now, today’s cookies are not salted caramel. But you can get excited anyway! In honor of the Super Bowl, I decided to make a cookie that would please salt and sugar cravers alike. So instead of the usual chocolate chips or what-have-you, these cookies are filled with potato chips, pretzels, and peanut butter M & Ms!

As a die-hard sugar craver whose blood pressure is pretty dang low, I don’t gravitate naturally toward salt. In fact, my doctor has told me to put salt on everything, even my cereal (gross), to bring up my blood pressure. I don’t want to. Salt is not my thing. But when it’s paired with sugar, it suddenly becomes irresistible. So you can imagine what these cookies did to me.

If you’ve ever had a chocolate-dipped potato chip or pretzel, just add a soft, thick cookie to the equation. And the M & Ms, of course. That should give you some idea of what these babies can do.

Now, you can’t be impatient when you’re making these cookies. You have to let the dough chill overnight. Don’t worry: the potato chips and pretzels will bake up just fine. You want mounds of dough pillowing your mix-ins, not a flat pancake of cookie. It’s worth the wait!

This Sunday, I’ll be ignoring the game (see Wednesday’s post if you wanna know why) while I focus on game-day food. But when the game’s over and my kids are in bed, I’m heading to my own bed with these cookies. Sounds like the perfect ending to another Sunday!

It’s hard to resist always baking your favorite thing. Like when my brother bakes, he chooses lemon-based desserts because that’s his favorite. And when my husband bakes…nope, just kidding. That never happens.

Have you noticed that cravings for sweet or salty foods are highly divided by gender? Now, don’t go crazy on me for gender stereotyping because I do know plenty of women who’d rather down a bag of chips than a Snickers bar. But in my informal studies of human behavior, I have noticed that women lean toward sugar far more often than men, particularly when it comes to chocolate. Which might explain why my husband doesn’t bake.

I was kind of shocked to learn recently that peanut butter-based desserts are considered a male craving out there in the void that is the Internet. Try it! Look up “dessert” and “manly,” and you’ll see peanut butter everywhere. And bacon.

Gotta tell you, I really resent that. Peanut butter and chocolate is the best taste combo ever, and I haven’t noticed that it’s a particularly male thing. That said, when I brought these cookie dough squares out in the world to share, a lot of men who never say much about my baking suddenly were full of praise.

Mind you, the women were equally vocal. Heck, even I was vocal. How could I not be? The base is peanut butter cookie dough filled with mini peanut butter cups, all topped off with a thick peanut butter chocolate fudge layer. I even had compliments coming in many days later. These things stick with you. In a good way!

It doesn’t matter what gender you identify with. These cookie dough squares are quite the bomb, and will disappear in seconds whenever you make them. Peanut butter lovers of the world, unite!

Let me backtrack. After a week of the flu and another week recovering from the flu, I’m still waiting for my appetite and taste buds to return to normal. The flu is evil in so many ways, but I never expected it to alter my eating this dramatically.

Pretty much, I’ve wanted two things since the fever broke: sushi and truffles. When the fever was raging, all I wanted was Coke Slurpees. So basically, any healthy eating habits have gone right out the window.

As I try to build back my love of veggies and anything that’s not sushi, I’m tapping into my biggest love, peanut butter with chocolate, to see what happens.

These babies are inspired by one of my childhood food loves. Every morning for breakfast, I used to eat Ritz crackers with peanut butter along with a cup of Ovaltine. It was a breakfast of champions, and I still love that particular meal. It’s perfect for anyone young, or young at heart.

Now, to these: they’re made up of egg-free peanut butter cookie dough, which is generously sandwiched between two Ritz crackers and then dipped in chocolate. So basically, it’s the candy version of my favorite cracker sandwich. If you want to up the peanut butter ante, you’ve gotta go with cookie dough. And egg-free dough means you can eat as you build these happy bites of joy!

When you dip, you’ve got to use melting chocolate. I used the Ghirardelli brand, but any brand will do. If you use regular chocolate, it could seize up. Plus, it’s very hard to dip delicate Ritz crackers into thicker chocolate.

The outcome here is a snack that any kid or adult will love. As for me, all this is in the pursuit of getting back my pre-flu taste buds. I can’t think of a better way to go!

I have very strong feelings about food safety. A few years ago, Nestle released a batch of tainted cookie dough and a few people ate it raw. One woman died. And Nestle closed their plant to clean it and disinfect it, but the bottom line is, somebody made a huge mistake.

The same thing has happened with bags of salad mix. I mean, really. Tainted spinach? And peanut butter. How did salmonella get into peanut butter? And of course, eggs and raw meats are always an issue.

Bottom line: do not eat packaged (or homemade) raw cookie dough that contains raw egg. Do not. It’s not worth it! You can make your own egg-free cookie dough in a couple of minutes, and it’s totally safe to eat. You can also make your cookie dough into bars! And pile fudge on top! So you won’t be missing out on anything.

This bar is made of two kinds of cookie dough, chocolate and vanilla. They make up the bottom layers. Then comes the white chocolate fudge. It’s just heavenly. And strangely elegant! I had a lot of fun photographing these little cuties.

You make one batch of egg-free cookie dough, and then you divide it up. One half stays as-is, and the other gets a nice bit of cocoa added in. That plain chocolate cookie dough…oh my word. I really had to exercise self-control to ensure that most of it wound up in the bar.

The fudge topping is my no-fail microwave fudge recipe, and it’s so quick. You just have to be pretty careful with white chocolate. It seizes easily and becomes unworkable. To guard against that happening, melt it in 30-second intervals and you should be fine.

When all is said and done, you have a delicious treat. You also have a safe one. The holiday season is all about indulgence, but it’s also about being safe. It’s okay to throw caution to the wind for some things, but not when it comes to your food safety. Until there’s a better system in place for food contamination, make egg-free cookie dough if you plan to snag some and eat it raw while you bake!

You know that I can only go so long without my fix. So this weekend, I thunked a jar of peanut butter and a package of milk chocolate chips on the counter. Then I stared at them for a while, just contemplating. After a few minutes, I knew what I had to do.

Suddenly, the shrieks of my children quieted in the background as I made fudge. The messy house faded away as my trusty mixer churned peanut butter frosting. It was a beautiful moment. And in the end, I had these cookie cups. Big ones.

Usually cookie cups are small, made with mini-muffin tins. But I wasn’t in the mood to go mini. I wanted a regular-sized muffin tin. So here’s the breakdown of these. You ready?

The bottom layer is a peanut butter cookie with chocolate chips from Nestlé’s newer frozen cookie dough, which I defrosted before baking. Any peanut butter cookie dough will work, but you have to bake it first. Then I made fudge and layered it on the cookie. And finally, I piped on a whole lotta peanut butter frosting. A lot.

This one’s a winner, in case you couldn’t tell already. It’s one thing to have frosting on top of cake. It’s an entirely different affair to have frosting on top of fudge. Nothing to hate. It’s magic.

Take a break from fall-themed treats (just for today, folks) and treat yourself to some PB and chocolate!