This is the chocolate month, the time when everyone forgets their healthy resolutions, turning straight to the chocolate lava cake. It’s only human nature. We can’t be deprived for extended periods.

So if you’re gonna do the chocolate, make bark. It’s a cheap and easy gift for a loved one, or you can eat it all yourself. I have a video tutorial below plus a step-by-step recipe, so keep reading!

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but 95% of all diets fail. America is a country ruled by diets and a thriving fitness industry, and yet we’re in a health crisis. How is that possible?

Simple, really. When you try and sustain impossible behavior, it all comes crumbling down. Dieting at its core is all about the word “no.” Diets focus on what you can’t eat: dairy, or carbs, or sugar, or anything a caveman didn’t eat, or all of the above. Who wants a voice in their head constantly telling them that what they’re doing is wrong?

Seriously, if people talked to one another the way that their inner voices talk to them sometimes, they’d get slapped. We’ve somehow been taught that self-shaming isn’t just acceptable: it’s desirable. That, my friends, is a load of garbage. When did deprivation become a virtue? When did dieting become a way of life? Because here’s the thing. You ready?

If you’re dieting all the time, it’s probably not working. Seriously. It’s one thing to live with a healthy mindset and goals and quite another to base life upon what you will not let yourself have, and to constantly go back and forth with those arbitrary rules. I’m not a fan.

Message? Stop dieting. Start eating bark. Always works for me!

Bark is easy to put together, makes a great gift, and can be customized to any holiday or occasion. It takes just a few minutes (plus a half hour of chill time) to get it going. Take a look!

When all’s said and done, wouldn’t you rather spend time engaging in self-love and acceptance? Denial is never good, in life or in food. So say yes to yourself today, and say yes to some bark!

A few of you out there are still looking for ways to use up so-called “leftover” candy. I don’t really get that concept. It’s not chicken, people. It’s not gonna go bad that fast. Eat it and enjoy at your leisure.

But heck, if you really want to bake it into something, make a pookie! This lovely cookie dough is filled with all your Halloween candy favorites and baked into a pie shell. With Thanksgiving looming, we should be getting our pie thing going anyway. Let’s do a hybrid holiday treat!

To be honest, I’m relieved to be in November. October is just a terrifying month, and not just because of people banging on your door demanding candy. Grades are due in my school system on November first, and so are college recommendations. I’m just happy that these weights are lifting from my shoulders.

Now I can focus on lifting real weights, which I do faithfully. Still, there’s this area under my arm. I hesitate to use the word “flaps” because it’s not empowering. But with all the triceps work I do and all those painful push-ups with my hands shaped like a diamond, why don’t I have arms like Madonna? Probably the pie.

There have been times that I get frustrated at the parts of my body that don’t tone as easily as others. But lately, I’ve also been trying to focus on the good stuff. My abs are really responsive to training, and that means I need to stop complaining. Why are we so inclined to focus on the stuff that isn’t as great and not spend time enjoying what we love about ourselves?

That said, if I ever became rich, I would hire the following in a heartbeat: a personal trainer, a personal chef (just on retainer for those days I don’t wanna cook), and a hairdresser, not on retainer. Because I need hair help every single day. I wouldn’t even think about redoing the house or anything until these three people were part of my daily routine. And you know, it would be cool to have an assistant too, just to keep track of my appointments and all.

Anyone out there willing to make my dream come true? I will totally bake for you every day if you make me rich. I do that anyway. No matter how rich I got, I would bake. It just makes me so darn happy.

Like this pookie here. Who can turn away from this? Not me, I can tell ya. The trick is to make sure you don’t bake this guy for too long, or the whole thing goes from slightly gooey and joyously chewy to dry and hard. Watch that oven timer!

Listen, I don’t need recipes for leftover candy. In my house, it’s called eating it. But I understand if you do, and I hear where you’re coming from. So go ahead and eat your candy in a pookie! It’s almost as nice as being rich and having your own personal staff.

But if you use Halloween as an excuse, up the ante with some fabulous bark. It’s easy to make, not to mention easier to eat. And it’s full of Halloween candy!

Yep, you’ve got that right. Candy pumpkins, check. Kit Kats, check. Reese’s PB cups, check. Hershey bars, check. Whoppers, check. Oh, and let’s not forget about the lovely sprinkles. Or the milk and white chocolate swirly base. Now do I have your attention?

My attention has been wandering of late. It’s kind of hard to stay focused on any one thing. I read an article a few years back that tried to prove that while men like to focus on one thing at a time, women are more cognitively apt to try and do many things at the same time. In other words, women are natural multitaskers. Which means that as I’m writing this, I have a pie in the oven, a pile of laundry next to me that I fold between sentences, and a child asking me questions in my right ear that I may or may not be answering.

Any number of experts will inform us that when we try to do several things at the same time, none of them get done well. Those experts can kiss my a$$. Ask them how daily to-do lists can get accomplished by doing one thing at a time, and see what they say. Unless your daily list has about three items on it, I don’t see how that can work.

Before we had children (i.e., B.C.), Kenny and I would talk around 11:30 each workday morning. Our phone conversations would go like this:

Kenny: How’s your day going?

Mir: It’s cool. I’m getting a ton done. I’m so tired.

Kenny: Really? It’s only 11:30!

Mir: It’s my lunchtime. I’ve already taught for four straight hours, paid the bills and made a doc appointment. What are you up to?

Kenny: Um…I took a shower.

Yep, those were the days. But Kenny, in all his manly glory, never felt bad about easing into his day and not getting each item duly checked off the to-do list that, admittedly, I created for him. And he still doesn’t really mind. I’m pretty jealous.

One thing I wonder about is whether doing so many things at one time is bad for the attention span. I do know that I’m very guilty of only half-listening to anything a child of mine is asking at any given time. Which is why these conversations happen:

Boy, Age Seven: Mommy, can I take the bag of lollipops upstairs to my room?

Mir: (absently) Sure, honey. (a minute passes) Wait, what?!

See? Not paying full attention is dangerous. Or if you’re my kid, it’s pretty great. The Boy had a whole bag of Dum-Dums up in his room (and was partway into his second) before I realized I’d been checked out.

Whenever I eat dessert, though, I try to make mindfulness a priority. I really focus on whatever is going into my mouth, and then it’s an even better experience. To be completely clear, I had no trouble whatsoever focusing on this Halloween candy bark. How could I think about anything else?

The base of this bark is milk chocolate (my personal favorite, so my apologies to you foodies who love the 90% dark), swirled with some white chocolate. On top, I piled all of my favorite chocolate bar goodness, plus those cute little candy pumpkins. I can never resist adorable.

Bark is a really great solution to the question, “I’ve got five minutes and fifty things to do, and I need to produce a treat for my kid’s class/my office party/my own sanity. What can I bake?”

In other words, this stuff comes together fast. Chill time is another matter, but 30 minutes in the fridge and you’re good to go.

My older daughter just walked up to me and asked me for tape. I have no idea why she wanted tape, but I was distracted, so I gave it to her. Why do I feel like my divided attention is going to result in my getting very upset in just a few minutes’ time? But that’s the price of multitasking!

At least I can focus on dessert. That’s really the important thing, anyway. Everything else can get done with little bits of my focus. It’s all about priorities!