Seriously, it’s been a weird week. When I stepped back from the blog, I found out something interesting. A few things, actually. I’ll share them momentarily.

I’ll also share this chocolate chip streusel banana bread, which is heaven. How can it not be? It’s the most perfect banana bread, all filled and topped with chocolate chips and the most delightful, crumbly streusel.

Back when JAB began, I had just come away from a traumatic life event. I’ve talked about it before, and so I’ll just quickly summarize. My youngest daughter had a dangerous birth with an abrupted placenta, and both she and I went into distress. I remember looking at the ceiling as everything went blurry, struggling to breathe, watching Kenny tending to the baby and thinking, “I’m going to die alone.” It was not a moment I’d like to repeat, though someday I will, of course.

Afterward, I blamed myself. She’d been breech, and I’d been doing a lot of alternative methods to try and turn her, like acupuncture and chiropractic maneuvers. All of these were doctor-approved, and when I asked the doctor afterward if it could have caused the trauma, he insisted that it was just bad luck and nothing more. But somebody  close to the family suggested to me that it had been my fault, and no matter how vehemently I denied it to her, I was angry and forlorn.

Thus began a year of not being that nice to myself. I was probably suffering some form of postpartum depression as well, and I set about holding myself accountable for both things that were in and out of my control. I sought perfection, and it wasn’t sustainable. I began to heal.

JAB was part of my healing process. I gave myself permission to be fun for a while and to try new things. I took up the guitar, started this blog, and began trying things I’d never tried before. I wanted to see what I could do, however imperfectly. It was humbling. I stink at the guitar, but I love it. The blog has been just fine, but not anything super special. And I’m not perfect, but boy, I’d like to think that I’m special.

Along the road, I met lots of blog friends who supported me. Alice and Dorothy, who continued to help me whenever I needed it despite the fact that they are big news and I am not. So many big-time bloggers never give anyone the time of day, but they did. I will always consider them friends. Cheyanne and Annie and Kate, who felt like friends in the struggle, and who are all magnificent. Gayle, who has achieved so much so quickly. Lisa, whose sense of humor I relate to like crazy. And endless more people I spent parts of my virtual week with. I’ll still visit their blogs, but I’ll miss the interaction.

What I discovered on my week off is that I am still as busy as I was before, but I have the space now to give everybody and everything a little more time. My children now have more of my undivided attention on weekends, and that’s priceless. Plus, for the first time in years, I picked up a spiritual text and started reading it. I’ve been avoiding religious texts since the incident years ago, not sure of how to tackle some of my biggest spiritual questions. Now I want to face my fears and get on with living.

As I said last week, I’m taking a break. I don’t know how permanent this is, or if I’ll miss JAB so much that I’ll be back within a few weeks. No idea. But I have to give myself this time, and we’ll go from there. Hope your autumn goes beautifully, and I’ll miss you for now!

Well, I do. I know, I know. No-bake treats are all the rage this time of year, but heck, I like to bake. A baker’s gonna bake. That’s how it goes. That’s why somebody smart invented air conditioning.

Every weekend, I find myself staring at tired bananas. They call to me, and sometimes I ignore them. That’s usually when I’m just as tired as they are. But sometimes I cut them up and freeze them for smoothies that I never really make, and that’s an effort right there. But if I’m feeling really energetic and serious, I’ll bake them into something. And this double chocolate chunk banana bread is probably one of the best ways ever to use those bananas!

Speaking of bananas, I’m going bananas. Really. My activity level has ratcheted up to a crazy degree. I’m at work all the time except on weekends, when I’m thinking about being at work. It’s great being energized, full of ideas, and fired on all cylinders. On the other hand, the people I love are starting to get concerned. My mom offered Kenny and me an overnight trip away from it all so that I don’t burn out early in this new job. Isn’t she the best mom ever?

The truth is, I have gotten used to being able to do lots of things at the same time, but I don’t know how long I can keep that up. I’ve given up cake decorating class and guitar lessons for now, both of which hurt to let go. Those are fun activities, but they’re also time commitments I just don’t have right now. I told my guitar teacher that I’ll pick it back up when I get my footing at work.

The blog is, quite frankly, another concern. Since I took up JAB, I’ve been posting consistently 3-4 times a week. There’s no way that can continue, and Kenny has suggested I knock it down to twice a week. I’m thinking about it, people. I’ll keep you posted. This blog is not just a nice little side business; it’s also a source of passion. It’s just hard sometimes keeping all the balls in the air, especially with my crew at home to take care of.

On that ominous note, let’s focus on the good stuff. Namely, this double chocolate chunk banana bread!

It’s actually pretty healthy, and it’s gluten-free as well. The bread is made with Greek yogurt for added softness and moisture, and cocoa gives it the lovely chocolatey dark color. I filled the bread with dark chocolate chunks, and that’s pretty much all, folks!

Right now, life is stretching me in 50 different directions and I’m adjusting. Stay with me during this time and keep reminding me that it’s okay to be human and occasionally post twice a week. Maybe I’ll start listening!

Every time I post a butterscotch recipe, I talk about how I don’t ever remember to bake with it. But when I do, it’s the best flavor explosion. I’m trying to do it more often, and the overripe bananas on my countertop always present a fantastic opportunity.

If you are one of those people who craves moist (sorry if you dislike that word, but whatever) banana bread with crunchy pecans and sweet butterscotch chips, look no further. This bread is your soul mate! And it’s effortlessly gluten-free, too.

I’ve spent the past few days packing up the high school that I’ve been privileged enough to teach at for most of my career. I’ll be the English department chair at my new school and I’m excited about the change, but it’s definitely tough to leave a school I’ve loved so much. I’ve had the best students, the best colleagues, and just the best time ever. Teaching can be a total blast.

When I started packing the other day, I quickly became horrified at just how much stuff I’ve acquired over the years. We’re talking 10 full boxes of stuff, plus three giant file bins, plus bags of odds and ends. When I texted Kenny pics of all my packed-up possessions, his response was “good grief” followed by “digitize.” I then had to launch into an explanation of how much teachers need to do instruction every day, all day, for years and years. We teach an awful lot of content, and that equals a lot of files. Plus, we make what are called “class sets,” which are sets of 30 copies for all our students, which we save from year to year. That way, no extra paper wasting. It all adds up!

Still, I have this image of bursting into my new school with all this stuff and scaring my new colleagues. So I might want to take it in there gradually under the cover of night or something. That way, I’ll seem halfway sane. And I’m not even going to explain this whole baking blogger thing I do for quite a while. People accuse me of doing too much, and they’re probably right, but busy is good!

Some people are afraid of change, but if it’s a change with potential for growth, I really embrace it. So know that these next several months will be insane for me, but I’ll be a happy camper! You all know that I keep myself in dessert to make life awesome.

This banana bread is just the best, bar none. It’s springy and soft and yes, moist. It’s got butterscotch chips in the batter and sprinkled on top, and chopped pecans inside as well. Butterscotch and pecan is one of those genius combos that I always love using.

I hope you have a very happy holiday weekend. I might get motivated to post something in there, but I think the blogosphere is officially on hold, so we shall see. In the meantime, enjoy the fireworks and parades, and have a super happy fourth!

The gas light comes on in the car. Your six-month dental checkup comes due. You realize you didn’t pay your credit card bill. Somebody gets the promotion you deserved. Your favorite pair of shoes loses a heel in the middle of the workday. And the bananas lie forgotten on the counter, turning from green to yellow to spotty to brown.

But that last one has a definite upside because all you do is bake it into banana bread. Moist, delicious, banana bread filled and glazed with brown sugar. Just for those days when things aren’t going quite your way!

The other day, we took the kids to a swim center with a three-foot therapy pool. If you’ve never been to one of those, I must recommend it. The water is warm (like in the 80s warm), and the pool is surrounded by hot tubs.

Sadly, I never actually bonded with the hot tubs because I was with my four year-old (who cannot swim), but it felt good to sit with her in the warm water, waves gently lapping to and fro. The pool also had a slide and splash fountains, which means my older kids had a blast.

See, here’s the thing. We’ve been desperately trying to get our children, especially our oldest, to swim. He’s fighting it like nothing else. We’ve been through six rounds of lessons and it’s still not technically happening. At least he’s not doing what he did last summer, which was holding onto the side with a death grip while floating his legs out, screaming, “I’m swimming! I’m swimming!”

Now we’ve got some head under water progress, and I’m waiting for the day when they can all float so I can breathe a little easier. I see families at the pool relaxing and I think, hey, that could be me someday. But somehow I doubt it. No matter how soon or how well my kids swim, I’ll always be that mom squatting at the edge of the pool, eyes darting back and forth at all her spawn. Yes, even when they’re 25. I can only relax at a pool when my kids aren’t there.

So after we all trooped back from the swim center, we had this banana bread waiting for us. It was a good after-pool snack because you know everyone is always starving after a swim. This bread is hearty and doesn’t disappoint.

To make sure everyone could enjoy it, I used gluten-free oat flour as the base. And instead of using just white sugar, I put a great deal of brown sugar into the batter to make it super moist. The top is covered with a buttery, thick brown sugar glaze. It tastes like caramel.

Life is full of inconveniences, but nobody ever complained about the leftover bananas on the counter. Or at least, they shouldn’t. Because they make the sweetest brown sugar banana bread ever. Whether you bake this up for Mother’s Day or just for a random day of the week, it’s a fantastic breakfast treat!

Cue stage whisper: I’m not that into banana.

Don’t go screaming now. I can’t handle that. It’s not that I hate it or anything, but in the world of baked goods, anything with banana ranks low. So take it as a sign of how much I love you all that from time to time, I produce a banana-based dessert. That is some selflessness. Of course, I did add a wee bit of peanut butter (and peanut butter chips, too) to make this more of a Mir-style dessert. And there’s strawberry jelly in there. You know, because this is totally healthy. Uh huh.

This is my first day back on the job, and I’m excited about another school year. Every year, I meet tons of really cool kids and learn even more about how to be the best possible teacher. The only part I’m not excited about is grading papers.

If you have any friends who are teachers, they’ll pretty much agree that the job is rewarding and fun, except the grading. During a typical week, I’m bringing home about 200 essays or short stories to grade, and that’s when things are running about average. On a heavy week, it gets a lot worse. I’ve been known to grade papers in traffic jams, in grocery store lines, and yes, on exam tables in the doctor’s office when he’s making me wait for 45 minutes in a giant paper towel that the medical industry has the audacity to call a “gown.”

While I’d love to keep complaining about grading papers, that’s a lot more boring than complaining about those paper gowns. Has anyone worn them? Seriously, they’re not big enough to cover squat. Nothing is worse than desperately trying to cover your rear end while the gown tears in 17 different places. So if you’re tired of shivering away in a giant paper mat while all of your body parts pop out into the wind, join me in a protest. Seriously. Let’s organize and get rid of those pieces of crap.

Can you tell I get really annoyed about really little things? But you know, it’s the little things that sometimes resonate the most. The big stuff is much easier to pay attention to, while life’s little irritants just kind of pile up unnoticed until you kind of explode. Or that’s how I feel.

I’ve said it before, but it’s a dang good thing that I have baking to distract me from the paper gowns and paper grading. Oooh, both paper. I sense a trend!

This banana bread is in a pretty happy place, and that’s from a person who feels very meh about bananas. The batter is free of butter. Instead, peanut butter and canola oil do that job quite nicely, and in a much healthier way. Anyone who has ever had bananas and peanut butter must realize how well this combo works. Add the peanut butter chips in there along with a strawberry jelly swirl, and even I’m a banana bread convert.

Tomorrow I’m back to the grind, and I need a healthier dessert to get me through. This is a good way to start! I’m not sure if a good dessert will ever fully distract me from the humiliation of a paper gown or the piles of grading, but there’s only so much we can do. Unless you’re with me on that petition. Let me know, people!